You don’t have to be on the fence about loving yourself. There is nothing honorable about self denial. I was given a false sense of humility. I believed I had to cut myself down when I got too large. “You’re smart, but not that smart.” Huh? I am brilliant. My avoidance of stepping into my light and brilliance was a feeling that it was communicating that I believe I am better than others. My acknowledgment of my brilliance has nothing to do with anyone else. Knowing my greatness and expressing the full extent of the value I am is for me and the people that help build me. People guilting and shaming you out of your self love do not love you. They have a set idea for who you are and who you must be. Once you venture beyond that, they are uncomfortable and feel as if they must deny your greatness.

I began my journey celebrating the small wins. When I withheld my celebration for big victories, I forgot all the moments before that win. I also had no practice in celebrating myself. So I followed the patterns of what others believed was a celebration. I don’t enjoy parties with people who only show up when I’m up. I don’t want to be around liquor, weed, and music that doesn’t uplift me. I enjoy intimate settings. I enjoy specific people. I learned that as I recognized whose in my call log honoring my little wins. The people who were loud about my little wins understood my vision the most. People who supported the vision without being asked to. It wasn’t the people that had known me all my life because they had a vision of who I was supposed to be. They were so close to me that any deviation from their idea was considered problematic behavior. They knew who they wanted me to be not who I was. They denied me and I joined them.

There is nothing honorable about self denial. Who is in your circle denying your desire to travel? Poking fun at the new thing you’ve decided to learn. Congratulating you on your business and putting no dollars on your products. Recognize them. Do not cut them off right away. Limit their access. Pray for them. Present the things that you truly value and observe their reactions. The new thing you’ve been doing that you love and makes you so enthusiastic is not some trendy thing you’ve jumped into. It is the truest you. If they deny it they are denying you. Keeping them too close is denial of self.

This is a complex ordeal. The people you don’t question are the ones limiting you the most. Question everything and everyone. It will be uncomfortable, but remember that living as anything less than your greatest version for too many years will make you regretful. The regret can turn into resentment and self hatred because you didn’t give it your all. You allowed someone else’s idea of life to have more value than your own.

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