I have noticed so much while working in community. Many people join initiatives in order to serve themselves. Giving to own the title of giver. Godly for the status that the title holds rather than it being their true essence. Giving to be able to say they gave. Egoless leadership was first presented to me by my mentor Changa Bell. It was a special time to receive that reference because I was at the middle of my first in-person school year as a middle school educator. I was grateful to be an educator. I was excited about being able to make an impact at 25 years old. As I began to make an impact, my ego was overly proud of the fact that I was making one. I was hyped up. Over celebratory and my ears were closing to correction. My perspective was narrowing and I was becoming unaware of all those working alongside me within the community. In serving others I centered myself in a dangerous way. I was intent on giving the students what I wanted when I was their age. At times their request coincided with what my vision was, but when it didn’t I became frustrated. I was trying to feed them food they had not asked for and resentful when they would not eat. I was telling rather than asking and listening. Armed with more “you should” and “they should” than need be. Armed with more judgement than grace. I began to pride myself around the fact that I taught as if I was irreplaceable. As if I was doing a feat so unthinkable and grand.

“At least I’m here.” A truly sad state of affairs. I was able to see how that was problematic and present in others, but not able to see it in myself.

The practice showed me myself. I was granted the ability to be there. I was blessed to be able to have the position I held. My gratitude heightened. I listened more than I spoke. I judged others less and judged myself less. I practiced my preaching. The story I had so much pride in meant far less because it was not about me. It was about them. It was bigger than me.

The spheres of mindfulness that ground me are non-judgement, non-striving, acceptance, patience, trust, letting go, and beginner’s mind. Each one of those spheres unlocked a part of my mind. The practice opened my perspective enough to access the freedom and peace I sought. It was always within.